Story of a grownup fish

Before I was born I was a little fish. Free swimming and exploring the universe in the environment that made up more than 80% of my own body: water. I was in peace, the universe was like a mother for me and I could feel every little vibration. I kept exploring and expanding for what I thought was ages. But one infamous day I felt it was time to go. And the universe was aware of it. I could see clearly the direction. I was afraid, but I trusted my universe. It was cold. My gills couldn’t breathe. It was an alien environment. A creature held me for a while and then put me in a tank of water. I was able to breathe again through my gills but the tank was too small for me to move. I was afraid, it was cold and I didn’t know the other creatures around me. It was a nightmare.

Slowly I started discovering new things about this world so different from the one I was used to. These creatures had a different energy. They were emitting weird frequencies from their mouth that hurt my ears. They couldn’t decipher my screams for help. They couldn’t understand that the only thing I wanted was to go back to my water.

In the next few months, slowly, without even realising it, they moved me out my tank and put me in the open cold air. I started using my fins as limbs and my gills as lungs. I started understanding their weird language and they were so happy when I started repeating what they were saying.

Especially two words made them so happy and raised their energy frequencies so much: mum and dad. After a while, I clumsily started walking on my legs.

I was gaining such a satisfaction by pleasing them. I really wanted for them to always have a high energy level. But it was so hard. They didn’t even know what they really wanted from me. I noticed since the early days that there were more creatures like mum and dad. These creatures really loved touching my face and making weird noises with their mouth and making stupid faces.

All this pleasing them made me forget what I really liked. But I trusted them. I felt that they had all the solutions, all the answers. My mum and dad kept me busy. Soon enough I could remember nothing of my days in the water.

Life went on for years. Many new experiences were lived, some good, many hard and limiting.

Then one-day “nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita, mi ritrovai per una selva oscura che’ la diritta via era smarrita” 1

I knew I had lost something but I forgot what it was. I started asking other people what I needed.

Some said sex, some said money, some said fortune. Some said all of them. Some said freedom. Some said friendship is better than love, some said the opposite. Some said god loves you. Some said religions divided us. Some said find your purpose and will find yourself. Some said meditate, the answer will come.

God they all looked so appealing! But people also said that it was hard to get the answers. The true way was the hard way, as opposite to the easy way. But, I said, I am sure I had all of this at some point, and it wasn’t hard. I remembered that now. They laughed at me. Look at the stars, VIPs, entrepreneurs, they said. They fought hard, they won battles and wars to get there. How can you have all that they conquered without fighting against the universe?

Yes, I thought, they must be right. They know better than me. Let’s fight. And so I fought for many years but still I was in the selva oscura. How to get to my goal? And what was my goal? I was very confused.

So I started with something. I did a meditation course. It was a bliss. Yes! this must be it! I thought. This makes me feel so good that must be similar to what I forgot!

But after a while, I could see its limitations. I wasn’t following myself, my real dream. I had to stick to rigid rules. The yogi masters would tell you what to do and what not to do. And I followed their instructions. They know, I would think. They have been there and they are making my path easier. I’d better follow their steps. I tried for 5 years. Different kinds of meditation, philosophies, a bit of yoga, vegetarianism and even enrolled to a film school because I thought my future was to be a film-maker.

I was on a good path but still something was missing. I was nostalgic of something. A lost taste or smell, a lost feeling and sensation.

Then one day I found a rock. It was right there on the path that I have been walking for years but I couldn’t see it earlier or maybe I didn’t want to see it. I picked up the rock. It was small but heavy. Where the rock was I could see a sprinkle of water. The sprinkle became a feeble stream. The stream then increased and very soon became a strong flow. Wow, I thought, where all that water came from? I was curious to feel it so I dipped a foot into the flow. It was nice. I turned around and told all my friends about my discovery. It was incredible: they were all supporting me. Good job Daniel! Keep going!

So I dipped both feet into the water. Wow, it was so nice that pretty soon I dived into the river. The current wasn’t too hard but at some point I was scared. I remember at some pint thinking that it was too hard. Wait a moment, I said to myself, What am I doing? Let’s go back to the forest. Let’s go back where everyone is. It’s warmer and safer there. I got out of the water. I was almost convinced but I looked back to the river and I thought: wait, I remember now. I remember this feeling. It’s the feeling of freedom and belonging. I have been here before!

And just like that, a flash of when I had fins and gills came back into my mind. Yes, this is my purpose, this is my way!

I dived back into my river. I started swimming and swimming and swimming. My limbs became fins again and my lungs became gills again. I could finally be in my beloved element: water.

But life in the river is not always easy! So many obstacles and fishermen out there trying to catch me! Now that I am free and not in the forest with them some people almost hate me. I could feel their vibrations. Look at that fish! they say. Where the hell does he think is going? And splash, they throw their big fishhooks at me. But I know my element now and avoid the hooks. But I have to say sometimes it’s hard to avoid all the fishhooks they throw at me. I have scars on my scales. Some heal quickly, some take a bit longer.

But I love my life now. Free into my river again.

And I want to share my story with you because I want for everyone to find their own river again.

Follow my journey along the river. It might help you remember where your river is. And if you have already found your river, share your story with us and let us know how you found it!

1From Dante Alighieri’s Divine Comedy: “Midway upon the journey of our life I found myself within a forest dark, for the straightforward pathway had been lost”.